The Patterns of Life

Every morning I write in my journal, for at least ten minutes, I jot down anything that comes to mind.  Sometimes I talk about what happened the night before or what is going to happen that day.  I talk about my goals, frustrations and what I would like to change.  After I am done writing, I look back at the previous years, on the same date, to see how far I’ve come or what I continue to work on.  I have found a strange pattern of life, where each year, around the same day, I have the same thoughts, feelings, goals… even sometimes the same thing I had for lunch the previous year!  I am not sure if I am the only one that experiences this, but it has made me realize a few things:

  1. I have struggled with wanting to lose 10 pounds, which turned into 15 and now 20 for the past four years.  The year before that I had gone vegetarian and trained for a half marathon, lost a bunch of weight and felt great!  My goal now is to feel that way again.
  2. I have been trying to get out of debt since I began writing.  I am happy to say, that I am finally living a lifestyle that is supporting that goal.  This is the closest I have been to actually making a temp to pay off my student loans and it feels like there is hope at the end of the tunnel.  Now I laugh at the expected date of payoff:  2034… yea that is not happening.  My goal is at least ten years prior to that!
  3. I have struggled with trying to be social, when really, I enjoy my time alone.  It’s not that I don’t want friends at all or do anything socially, but it is really important for me to have my time alone.  I need some time to re-charge, be alone with my thoughts and relax a little.  As a people pleaser and someone who has always felt they need to be “on”, I am learning that it is OK to spend time alone and not feel bad about it.
  4. I have been trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, since I started writing.  Now, I am learning more about the importance of doing.  No one was born with the education and experience as to what they are doing as a career.  They had an idea, they went to school or studied, they practiced and gave it a shot.  It is time to start doing more in life and test the waters!

I think it is important to sometimes look back on history and see what it is teaching us.  I hope for the next years, I will look back and smile, that I finally broke free from some of my repeated thoughts and actions that were preventing me from achieving my goals.

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